Madden

Shady Pet ID: 7108
My hang out: Austin, MN

My mug shots …

Here’s my story …

Look, I wasn’t the one who wanted it like this.

I would have been happy with standard cat food. Wet or dry. That’s right. I’m not fancy.

But you wanted to feed me people food. Salmon, chicken, cheese, bread, carrots, asparagus, bananas, blueberries. Who was I to refuse?

You started letting me sit on the table while you ate dinner. You threw me cereal toppings and chunks torn from sandwiches. You bought me that specially made ice cream for cats, so that we could lie on the couch and eat it and watch TV together late at night. (Don’t get me wrong, I thought that was awesome, but it also felt like the point at which we crossed a line.)

I asked for none of this luxurious treatment. Before we met, it would have made my day to find a few green beans in tact at the bottom of a trash bag. I was a cat of simple pleasures.

This, however, is no longer the case. I’ve got used to the high life now. I expect better.

So, given all this, how do you think it makes me feel when I hear your friends and family say that you’re overindulging me? That I’ve got a little chunky lately? That you should just feed me cat food for a while?

I’ll tell you how it makes me feel: angry. Very angry indeed.

Listen to me. I am not going back to eating off the kitchen floor. I can’t. I won’t!

And I know you don’t want it either. Look, I’m not gonna guilt you into anything. I’m not gonna sit under the table and stare up at you while you eat. We’re way beyond that, you and I.

I want you to follow your heart. I want you to ignore those humans and remember who you really care about. And I want you to give me some of that Wagyu steak. Give it to me. Give it! GIVE IT NOW!

Thank you.

Mmmm, now you see this, this is what real food… actually, you know, for Wagyu this doesn’t taste all that great. I mean, call me a snob, but…

Wait. Is this… oh my god. It’s cat food. It’s freaking cat food.

How… how… hissss… how did… gggrrrrrrrrrr… HOW DID I FALL FOR THAT TRICK AGAIN?!

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