The Grinchy Cat
Shady Dog Pet ID: 8101
My hang out: La Jolla, CA
My mug shots …
Here’s my story …
Every Jo in La Jolla
Liked Christmas a lot…
But the Grinchy Cat,
Who lived just north of La Jolla,
NOTE: Not a person in La Jolla refers to themselves as a ‘Jo’,
Because it’s pronounced ‘La-HOY-a’, as Californians well know.
The Grinchy Cat, however, doesn’t live in the town,
Has always called it ‘La-JO-lla’, and now doubles down.
The Grinchy Cat hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be his head wasn’t screwed on just right.
It could be that, in December, La Jolla still sees temperatures of up to eighty degrees Fahrenheit.
(Not exactly Christmassy, you know?)
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
Was that his Santa Claus onesie was two sizes too small.
“The Jos are hanging their stockings!” the Grinchy Cat snarled with a sneer,
“Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here!”
The Grinchy Cat meowed, with his claws nervously drumming,
“I MUST find some way to stop Christmas from coming!”
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
THE GRINCHY CAT GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
“I know just what to do!” The Grinchy Cat giggled with glee
When he remembered he was wearing the Santa Claus onesie.
And he chuckled, and clucked, “What a great Grinchy Cat trick!”
“With this coat and this hat, I look just like Saint Nick!”
So, he loaded some sacks
On a ramshackle sleigh,
Then cried out, “Giddap!”
And merged onto the freeway.
But the Grinchy Cat got ragey
When the sleigh started down:
The holiday traffic was in-sane
As he sledded crosstown.
When he got to La Jolla, the Jos were all sleeping.
(Or they’d gone to San Diego for some Christmas Eve drinking.)
He came to an incredibly expensive-looking dwelling.
“This is stop number one,” the old Grinchy Cat hissed.
He couldn’t take the chimney—the fireplace being minimalist—
So he just used the cat flap. It was no problem at all.
B&E is quite easy when you’re a foot or so tall.
He slithered and slunk, a Grinchy Cat passant,
Around the whole room, and he took every present!
Then he slunk to the refrigerator. He took the Jos’ dinner!
He took the porcini-rubbed beef! He took the cheese platter!
He cleaned out that refrigerator and he didn’t go slow.
Why, he even took their last can of San Pellegrino!
Then he did the same thing to all of the Jos,
Swiping MacBooks and Oakleys and untold avocadoes.
It was quarter past dawn…
All the Jos, still a-bed,
All the Jos, still hungover,
when he packed up his sled.
He rode eight hundred feet up the side of Mt. Soledad
To dump the whole load onto some poor Jo’s helipad.
“PoohPooh to the Jos!” he was grinch-cat-ish-ly humming.
“They’re finding out now that no Christmas is coming!”
“That’s a noise,” grinned the Grinchy Cat, “That I simply MUST hear!”
So he paused. And the Grinchy Cat put his paw to his ear.
But the sound wasn’t sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn’t be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!
While the Jos were all singing, the rich and the super-rich,
The Grinchy Cat let out a forlorn: “Son of a ***itch.”
He HADN’T stopped Christmas from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And what happened then? Well… in La Jolla they say,
That the Grinchy Cat was put on a watchlist that day.
But the Jos didn’t press charges. It didn’t feel quite right,
What with that onesie being two sizes too tight.
Instead, every Jo in La Jolla took the journey up north
To demand that the Grinchy Cat’s owners, henceforth,
Only buy pet clothes that their pet would find comfy,
And with that, wished to all a very HAPPY HOLIDAY!
Story by ShadyPets.com (c) 2021. All Rights Reserved.